jjcobwebb

"Ilan na naging boyfriend mo?"

"Wala pa..."

"Seryoso?"

"Yep..."

"Eh ilan na ang minahal mo?"

"Hmmm... 1 yung sobrang mahal. 2 yung minahal lang..."

"Swerte naman nung 1 sobrang mahal mo! Ano nangyari?"

"Iniwan nila ko ng walang pasabi. Panget ata kasi ng ugali ko..."

"Baka ikaw naman nang-iwan..."

"Hindi ako nang-iiwan ng tao. Nawawala lang ako sa sarili pag nasasaktan..."

"Hayaan mo hindi kita iiwan kahit ganyan ugali mo. Hahaha!"

"Che! Kung gusto mo lumayas ka na rin ngayon na! Chusera ka! Hahahaha!"

jjcobwebb

Single ka pa rin ba?  Kasi gusto sana kitang ligawan ng todo todo hanggang makuha ko ang matamis mong oo. Hehehe.

Magbabakasyon ako diyan sa March/April of next year pa. Bibili pa lang ako ng ticket pauwi. Bayaan mo ikaw ang unang pagsasabihan ko kapag may ticket na. Ang tanong, masasamahan mo ba ko throughout my vacation? 3 weeks kaya yon. If u can, that's good pero kung hindi, ok lang. No hard feelings. As an incentive, ako ang sasagot sa mga expenses if ur coming wid me. Hehe.

I am so exhausted. Kagagaling lang ng Discovery Kingdom wid family. It's a theme park na malapit dito. The rides are crazy. Nahilo ako ng dalawa beses kasi ang bilis tapos zigzag pa tapos may pa round pa. Nakakahilo. It was a lot of fun.

It is almost midnight dito. 14-17 hours a day ako nagwowork dito. Nakakapagod sobra. Eto ngayon nag rerelax bago matulog. No more parties. Di na nga ako makalakad eh.

On another serious note, sobrang na mimiss kita. If single ka pa pag uwi ko, I wanna give u na mahigpit na yakap. Ganon kita ka miss. Sana sa airport pa lang, makita na kita pero that's so selfish of me naman if I do that to u. Maaga kaya dumarating ang PAL airlines galing ng Cali. I think 5 am ata. Haha.

Miss u much Jacob! Hope you reply soon. Tagal mo magreply eh! Hehehe. 

jjcobwebb

May mga araw na masama ang pakiramdam ko. Parang walang dahilan para mabuhay. May kulang. Walang nagpapahalaga. Parang tuwing minuto pare parehas na lang. Parang nakita ko na kahapon at nung isang araw pa. Bawat segundo ay napakatagal. Parang hinihila ko sa kawalan. At ang puso ko'y nawawalan na ng dahilan. Nakakatamad na minsan ang buhay ko. Pati mga bagay na ginagawa ko hindi ko na alam baket ko sila ginagawa. Pero may mga araw naman na napakaaliwalas ng buhay. Nakangiti ang langit at ang ulap ay nakaayos para gumihit ng bahag-hari. Hindi ko alam baket ako nakangiti. Mangangawit ang pisngi sa kakangiti. Bawat ginagawa ko nagkakaroon ng dahilan at ramdam ko ang init ng sikat ng araw dahil napakatagal ko ng nanlalamig. Umaasang bawat araw ay sing-init at singanda ng ngayon. Mapayapa. Bago. Masigla...  

jjcobwebb

Despite of all the things that happened lately, nobody can stop me from believing in the 3 things I've always believed in --- goodness, love and happiness. They're the only things I can lean on right now. And I should. There's nothing I can depend on this time but myself.

I am glad it came to an end. There's so much drama. Emotional baggages. What if's and what's not. I'm tired of being an option Mr. T! Good thing our friend told me everything that needs to be said. Good thing I found out earlier. And no one can tell me to let go of whatever I'm holding on to. Because in the first place, I was not holding into something. I was being a FRIEND who just happened to like a FRIEND. It was like that even from the beginning. I don't wanna drag people. I don't wanna follow people. I don't want to do that. And I'll never do that. I want them to stay by my side and never leave me. 

I cried yes. But it was not because of the thought of you and me not being together. I cried because I brought up a name that until now, I wish that we were together. I cried because I've been wanting to cry the whole summer. I cried not because of you wanting to leave. I cried because of the name I brought up. I cried because he left. My tears were not for you. It was for that name. Good thing I didn't write about that rollercoaster hoopla here in my blog. Moments that weren't worth looking back. I'm just so thankful I didn't. 

Being drunk has its advantages. Being drunk keeps people sane. Being drunk the other made me cry the tears I've been wanting to cry the whole summer. Until now they are for you. I realized I still love him Mr. T! As one tweet of my friend on Twitter, it says:

"There is always, and I mean ALWAYS going to be someone you just won't be able to get over..."

I am trying to get up. I am trying every way I can to put myself together back. I might be knocked down several times but one thing is for sure, I 'll never stop believing in goodness, love and happiness... :)

jjcobwebb

"im serious, i want you to experience outside life, outside chris. then you'll realize your options. you'll see what i see. you'll appreciate you more coz you see yourself on a diffrent eye that what we, youre guys, see.

you know i love you

but im not showing it most of the times because i need you to figure out yourself muna. my life's messed up. if you enter my life with a messed up life too, that not gonna help you.

that's the last thing i wanna do. to repeat what happened with my guys.

but I also thought that ive done so much damage to you already thats why i need to stop muna and let you heal. my blog is an outburst of that. at some point it got weird and that i lost you. please understand that we started at bestfriends and i don't want to loose that side ever.

if we can grow better than that better. if not it's gonna kill me. there it's off my chest now..."

jjcobwebb

Bago ko matulog, ang dami kong naiisip grabe! Ang daming pumapasok sa utak ko. Ngayong wala na si Chris, parang may kulang talaga. Oo, ganito rin naramdaman ko nung umalis si Jeffrey. May kulang talaga. Parang dala nila parte ng pagkatao mo. Baket ganun, yung mga taong malalapit talaga sa kin, umaalis talaga sila? Grabe. Alam mo Mr. T! Ayoko rin isipin yung pag-alis ni Luis. Sigurado rin kasi na pagkagrad niya aalis na siya ng bansa. Grabe lang talaga. Magbebreakdown talaga ako pag-umalis na si Luis. Yung iba naman kakakilala mo pa lang, aalis na agad. Gusto mo pa naman sila iclose pero aalis din pala. Hirap noh? Baket ganun. May mga dinala at dadalhin sila ng pagkatao mo na sila lang talaga pwedeng magbalik. Hindi kumpleto. You're a different person pag wala sila. Siguro may YM, Facebook at kung ano ano pa. Pero iba pag andito sila at madaling hilahin. Mahirap. Minsan pinagdadasal ko sana huwag na matuloy si Luis sa ibang bansa. Pero kailangan niya talaga dahil sabi niya walang future dito. Baket ganun. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko lubusang tanggap na kailangan ng mga taong umalis at ako maiiwan. Selfish ata ako Mr. T! Sabi ko nga kina Barry, Rhitz and Benson na kung aalis din sila, simulan na nila. Magsama sama silang lahat. Tapos ako ipapasok na sa mental. Wahhh... pero sabi nga nila, friendly raw ako at kahit katabi ko sa MRT pwede kong kaibiganin agad. Pero hello naman! I feel so incomplete right now! Sana phase lang toh pota! I am STRONG. Masisiraan na ata ako ng bait. LOL

Napakaganda talaga ng suggestion ni Jeffrey. Minsan, nakakalimutan ko baket kami magkaibigan. Pero kanina pinaalala niya kung baket. May sira rin kasi sa ulo si Jeffrey. Hahahaha!

Napakagandang suggestion! Bravo! Hahaha! Pag bumalik ka dito Jeffrey sasabunutan kita. Hahaha! Kalokang suggestion. Tumambling lang talaga ko. Hahaha! Anyways, papasok na naman ako Mr. T! :-)