jjcobwebb

I can't say that I've learned a lot from my past experiences. Love. Sometimes it gives us no reasons at all just to feel it. Why do we feel love? Why do we even stress ourselves to have the special someone in our lives? Why do some people need proofs and validations that we love them? I am guilty of this. I also feel that way. I need proofs. I need to feel it.

Still, I let love move. Not me, but my heart.

He gave me all the reasons to love again. Been broken many times but time changes. Wounds heal and I forgive and forget easily. It was just like yesterday when we first met. I haven't felt so strong a love when I was with him. He made me use my heart more than my head. I love him. I loved him. I miss those times that he would be silent and all he does is give me that smile I've fallen for. But we lost it. What I wanted didn't materialize. I wanted him to be my everything. Everything he gave me was just a vision. And it was all I was left with. I've learned self preservation.

I can only get hurt as much.

I'm stronger now and I mean it. I used to say I am strong but actually dying inside. Of all the things that were done to me, I can't be more than numb. I've learned that loving is not finding someone who can complete you. Or who you can complete. Love is giving. Love is showing. Love does not ask anything in return. I didn't know that what I wanted and what I thought I needed, was overflowing inside me. 

Love. Attention. Happiness.

These are what my friends and family and the people around me give me. And I give it back to them. I have no void to fill when it comes to these three. I'm overflowing with love. I get all the attention that I need. I'm much happy with my life. And what I want to do with it is to share it. Much more that willing to share it with you. 

I have my problems. You have your problems. I know we are both struggling to get past them. I love you as much as you love me I guess. But the only person who can resolve your ongoing struggle is yourself. I'm out of that picture. As much as I want to know and help you with your problem, you are old enough. 

I love you. I miss you too. And I also want to be with you. 

All in good time...

jjcobwebb

Despite of all the things that happened lately, nobody can stop me from believing in the 3 things I've always believed in --- goodness, love and happiness. They're the only things I can lean on right now. And I should. There's nothing I can depend on this time but myself.

I am glad it came to an end. There's so much drama. Emotional baggages. What if's and what's not. I'm tired of being an option Mr. T! Good thing our friend told me everything that needs to be said. Good thing I found out earlier. And no one can tell me to let go of whatever I'm holding on to. Because in the first place, I was not holding into something. I was being a FRIEND who just happened to like a FRIEND. It was like that even from the beginning. I don't wanna drag people. I don't wanna follow people. I don't want to do that. And I'll never do that. I want them to stay by my side and never leave me. 

I cried yes. But it was not because of the thought of you and me not being together. I cried because I brought up a name that until now, I wish that we were together. I cried because I've been wanting to cry the whole summer. I cried not because of you wanting to leave. I cried because of the name I brought up. I cried because he left. My tears were not for you. It was for that name. Good thing I didn't write about that rollercoaster hoopla here in my blog. Moments that weren't worth looking back. I'm just so thankful I didn't. 

Being drunk has its advantages. Being drunk keeps people sane. Being drunk the other made me cry the tears I've been wanting to cry the whole summer. Until now they are for you. I realized I still love him Mr. T! As one tweet of my friend on Twitter, it says:

"There is always, and I mean ALWAYS going to be someone you just won't be able to get over..."

I am trying to get up. I am trying every way I can to put myself together back. I might be knocked down several times but one thing is for sure, I 'll never stop believing in goodness, love and happiness... :)

jjcobwebb

While Mama and I was watching Bandila yesterday, we jumped out from our seats when Ate's name was mentioned as Binay's biggest campaign donor. This morning, on newspaper and on cyberspace, Ate's name is a BIG HIT! She's been calling me since last night and telling me how she' s so nervous with all this publicity. But so happy about how big the tax shield she's gonna get. Hahaha! Anyways, here's and excerpt of what's on the newspaper today: 

Biggest Binay donor

The biggest donation (P10 million) came from Darlene Webb Zshornack, a pharmaceutical executive with an address in San Juan City. Those who gave P5 million to the Binay team included James Tiu, Enrique Lagdameo, Victor Valdepeñas and Victor Binay.

Source: Baguio bet spent P200; Estrada, Binay, P453M 

And so I ask myself: "When will I get rich like this?". Hahaha! Barry and I were talking about this news and we thought that if we can't find somebody to love and love us back, we better have 10M to donate to other people instead. Hahaha! And yes, Mama called me up early in the morning to tell me that Erwin and Ate, including her, will be at Nonoy and Binay's inauguration come June 30th, 2010! Hahaha!

I am proud of my Ate! Yeah!

Update you soon Mr. T! :) And it's San Juan Day today! Happy Fiesta 2010! :)

jjcobwebb

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:31 PM): pero

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:32 PM): ewan ko

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:36 PM): kagabi

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:39 PM): naisip ko

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:43 PM): nakakapagod maging bading

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:26:47 PM): hahha

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:50 PM): parang

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:52 PM): all your life

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:55 PM): you try to search

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:26:59 PM): mas maeffort kaysa straight life

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:26:59 PM): for the special someone

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:03 PM): na hindi mo naman alam

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:07 PM): kung dadating o hindi

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:27:11 PM): kung seryoso sau o hindi

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:15 PM): your only outlet

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:18 PM): is the internet

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:21 PM): and those places

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:27:25 PM): oo

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:26 PM): not all the time

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:31 PM): you meet PLUs

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:27:42 PM): dun ko din naisip na what if i go abroad

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:27:45 PM): work abroad

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:50 PM): mahirap

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:52 PM): nakakapagod

%BA%(6/27/2010 7:27:57 PM): baka dun mas open cla

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:27:59 PM): uninspiring sa totoo lang

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:28:03 PM): i mean compared here

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:28:34 PM): thats why PLU are chatty, maingay, matapang and friendly

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:28:35 PM): masaya oo. fun oo. nakakatuwa oo. nakakaaliw oo

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:28:41 PM): perot

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:28:44 PM): pero

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:28:45 PM): parang defense mechanism nalang natin un

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:28:47 PM): hanggan dun lang

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:28:58 PM): oo hangang dun lang naman tlga un

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:02 PM): inisip ko kagabi

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:05 PM): swerte ni Luis

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:10 PM): he has someone

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:29:10 PM): SOBRA

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:16 PM): na kahit

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:18 PM): wala siya dun

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:23 PM): sa lahat ng saya

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:27 PM): may katabi siya matulog kagabi

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:36 PM): na matatawag niyang sa kanya

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:29:45 PM): yea...

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:47 PM): nd ako 

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:49 PM): nag eemo

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:50 PM): pero

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:29:52 PM): seryoso

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:29:52 PM): kita ko nga kagabi

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:30:09 PM): older people still doing what the young ones are doing

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:30:14 PM): YES!!!!

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:30:16 PM): anu un try and try until u die?

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:30:24 PM): dba??

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:30:31 PM): skeptical na ko

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:30:32 PM): grabe

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:30:40 PM): palaki ng palaki ang katawan

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:30:48 PM): pasikip ng pasikip nung damit

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:30:49 PM): then what?

Jacob Webb (6/27/2010 7:30:52 PM): di ba

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:30:56 PM): pero padami ng padami naman ang wrinkles

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:31:11 PM): tapos undun sa scene na un padin

%BA% (6/27/2010 7:31:47 PM): rick and steve na cartoon hahaha