jjcobwebb

Pseudo Relationship... the "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding, others call it "fling". Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends/girlfriends. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Pakiramdaman na lang. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi. 

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam kung mahal nyo pa ang isat isa. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo may ka-relasyon na o pareho kayong may ka relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa totoong jowa niya or ikaw sa totoong jowa mo, wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman walang nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.  Kasi nga di naman nya sinabi na mahal ka nya.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?   

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang, masabi lang na meron. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom," para sa mga guys. Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.  Laro na lang muna.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.  Yong may nag ke care (kahit di mo alam kung sincere) or pinaglalaruan lang ang feelings mo, kasi alam na kinikilig ka.

I am not sure kung nagka pseudo relationship na ba ako.  Di yata, kasi I've never been in any relationship na hindi ako nagmahal.  O baka naman, akala ko lang psuedo relationship, one-sided love affair pala. Pero siguro ang reason ko kung pseudo relationship man yon,  iyong kilig feeling. Yong may nag ke care. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko.  Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message or sya ang tumatawag. Iyong merong laging kasama o kahit kausap lang.  At bago matulog, may iniisip na mga nakakakilig, nakakatawa... 

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotion was real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang tunay na nagmamahal ang lugi...

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo sa bahay or magpahatid ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life...  Palagi kang nakikiramdam. You can't expect him to be always there with you, lalo na kung may karelasyon naman sya. And if you feel jealous of the other people, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?  

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other people?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Or have totally fallen in love with someone.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo, basta wala kang nasasaktan na tao. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence, sa pain, heartbreak.  Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya… almost, but not quite...